meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
