you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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