So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
