Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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