Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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