Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
