we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Still dying that you shit outside
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
