Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
