Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
