I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
