Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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