My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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