This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
