i already hear my dad disowning me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
