I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
