Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
