I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's rum buckets o'clock
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize