BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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