well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
