My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
