I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
