maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
