can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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