just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
