Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
