wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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