i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
