I think my fart just growled at me.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
