I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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