Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
