i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
