it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You can't just leave with hair like that
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
