every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
