why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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