I just saw a hot homeless man
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
