i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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