New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize