if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
