just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
