i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No I am not eating basil off your cock
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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