i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
