Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
