I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
