someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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