I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
