he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
