Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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