Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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