You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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