go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
