i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
ok first of all what the fuck
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
