Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
