I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
