....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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