I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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