Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I just sharted jello shots
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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