WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize