Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
