You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
