dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Randomize
