I accidentally burped into my bong.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize