just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
