It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All the doctor said was why
Randomize