the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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