If i could tip my vagina, i would.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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