ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
