Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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