jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
