Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
