I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
