My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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