btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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