sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
