im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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