got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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