I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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