I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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