dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
