So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
