Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
