so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
