Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
