I have demons in me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
