I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
