we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I love you. Go after that dick
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
