I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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