i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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