is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize