Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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