If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
