Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
