My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
