How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
