Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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