wrigley field is MILF paradise
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize