my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
