He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize