I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
