omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize