are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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