Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
