Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
40s are totally the cure
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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