dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
