all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
