sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
