Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
