You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
