The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
