I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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