is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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