id be glad to
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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