it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
