I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
