oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
