His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize